Cheating ex wife turns children against me

BEL MOONEY: My cheating ex-wife has turned my children against me

By BEL MOONEY
Last updated at 8:48 PM on 28th May 2010

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Dear Bel,

Last year I discovered my wife was having an affair. We have three children and they all lived at home.

Weeks later, after returning from a secret holiday with her boyfriend, my wife made a series of false allegations to the police, alleging I'd assaulted her and attempted to kidnap the children!

With no evidence or witnesses, the police didn't charge me. My wife moved her boyfriend into my home, along with the children. He has two convictions for assault, one on a previous partner.

How can an ex-partner make up false allegations and take the children away?

For the past 12 months I've endured various injunctions due to her false allegations. I received a harassment notice when I had inadvertently driven past her. I had a witness to confirm my version of events and the notice was finally withdrawn.

Another false allegation last month (again when I have a witness who can confirm my version of events) saw me arrested and held overnight.

Over the past year the manipulation of the children has been immense, to such an extent that I have not seen my son since last July when we shared a weekend he said was the best of his life.

He now calls me by my Christian name rather than Dad and says he does not want to see me.

Incredibly, my wife says he wants his surname changed. What seven-year-old would think of that? The children have been told that I don't want to see them.

There are various court hearings ongoing regarding the children and financial matters.

My ex is planning to move 300 miles away and demands the proceeds of the house sale for her and her boyfriend - who has resided in my home free of charge for 13 months.

During this period I have been effectively homeless, unable to afford accommodation due to a legal bill for £40,000.

The feeling of contempt I have for the family courts and my ex-wife for the manipulation of three children is colossal.

The stress and feeling of injustice, helplessness and despair has been too great to bear.

I miss my children terribly, but am becoming used to the likelihood that I may not see them until they are young adults.

Only then will they know the truth and I am keeping all the evidence and files for them to see.

Not seeing the children, or even having anywhere near the same rights as their mother, is at times too painful and frustrating. It makes me rage and want to end my life.

How can somebody you have shared a life with make up such false allegations and put everyone, including the children, through hell?

MATT

Right away i want readers to understand that i know much, much more about this case than we have space for here.

When you first wrote to me your long letter ended with an angry question about the fairness (or otherwise) of the family courts, but i explained that the remit of this page is not complex social and political issues.

So you came back with the very human question which ends your sad letter.

And that question is asked every day, in deep despair, by men and women on the receiving end of the spite and downright cruelty meted out by somebody they 'shared a life with'.

Of course, there are always two sides to every story, but having said that, the extraordinary detail you have provided leads me to feel unashamed in taking your side.

Your exwife is clearly a very troubled woman who has inflicted physical as well as mental violence on you, and yet appears to be the beneficiary of a widely-held prejudice that places the rights of a mother before those of a father.

The sad fact is that many fathers in your situation are forced to extremes in the attempt to get noticed.

As you say in your first letter: 'They get rippedapart, both emotionally and financially.'

And the most virulently feminist woman - arguing that history always favoured men and so that needed to be redressed - must also admit that decent fathers are deprived of access to their own children by courts and social workers who often (in my opinion) display unfair prejudice.

To answer your final question directly I have to reply: 'I simply don't know.'

It has been an interesting experience for me, publishing a new book (Small Dogs Can Save Your Life) which tells the story of the end of my own first marriage and its aftermath.

One or two people have accused me of being 'too nice' about my ex-husband and 'not angry enough'.

I'm astonished that bitterness and vituperation are preferred over quiet acceptance.

Would they prefer it had I bent over backwards to poison my children against their father, as your ex-wife is doing?

In my opinion that is the most culpable thing any parent can do - no matter what the rights and wrongs of a situaton. I simply cannot understand (let alone sympathise with) how a woman can behave as your ex-wife has done and feel nothing but pity for your helpless children as well as for you.

They have a right to their father and she is cruel to deny them that. If one day they discover the truth, her behavious will rebound in her face. That may give you some small comfort.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1280307/BEL-MOONEY-My-cheating-ex-wife-turned-children-me.html#ixzz0s543Nuh2